I'M ESSENTIAL ..well that's what the governor says.

Hello again....hello!  No this is not Neil Diamond, sorry to disappoint.

So I just heard that the Governor has said that all landscape companies are considered essential businesses.  I can't wait to get to work on gardens and outdoor projects.  I have started several seedlings for my vegetables indoors and am planning more outdoor gardens in my backyard. I am REALLY excited to get my hands back in the earth.  I am NOT SO excited about having to teach some of my older clients to use paypal or venmo for payments. A lot of them like to physically hand me payment and then make small talk about the neighbor's dog barking all hours of the night.  I'll let you know how that goes....

I have been getting some of the weirdest headlines in my google newsfeed lately... here are a couple that popped up (and these are actual headlines).

- "With zoo closed to visitors, pandas finally bang after 10 years"  - Shanghai.ist
* This article's headline was set above a picture of the two panda's actually banging.

-"Trump says he will 'take a look' at Tiger King Joe Exotic pardon"  - New York Post
* I'm sorry, he has time for this????

- "A text message is the best way to break up with someone (even when there's not a
pandemic)  -  Insidehook.com
* I hate millenials. 

-  " 'Top Gun: Maverick' release date pushed back"  -  CNN
* Thank you.  Hopefully if this pandemic goes long enough, they will forget to release this    altogether.

- "Breaking News: The CDC advises all Americans to wear non-medical masks, President Trump  said. He added: 'I'm choosing not to do it. It's only a recommendation."  -  The New York Times.
 *Ummm, okay Don. I'm okay with you not wearing a mask.  But I'm thinking if you wore an orange one, it would camouflage on your face and we wouldn't even know you were wearing it. Just sayin'.

- "Family members get into a fight when one accuses the other of hiding toilet paper"  -  CNN
* A son actually punched his mom in the face because she was hiding the family's stockpile of toilet paper.  The mom said she was hiding it because the son was using too much. Gross.

Speaking of asses... My poor dog Jesse is pretty sick.  She has an autoimmune disease that is causing a lot of problems in her caboose.  At this point, she hasn't pooped in a couple days. An 80lb German Shepherd who eats constantly, CAN....NOT.....POOP.  I took her to the animal hospital and they changed up her medicine and they want me to incorporate canned pumpkin (cannot find) and miralax laxative powder (plenty of that in stores).  So she has had 3 doses of miralax and now I sit and wait for the explosion. I am a very sing-song person. I will make up words to any song to fit the situation I am in.  The number of songs I have come up with tonight incorporating the words "Jesse" and "pooping in the backyard" is pretty impressive.  Jesse, on the other hand, is not as impressed with my creative lyrics.  She has had enough and is dead asleep in her bed.  Her stomach is making some crazy noises like an old squeaky door opening up to a vat of boiling lava.  It's going to be a long night for us.  If she only liked coffee......


So I found a cat who may take Dracula's spot as the worst cat ever.  I have been following her story online and she has been adopted by someone. But I need to applaud the person who set up her facebook posting.... A+ for creativity and brutal honesty.   Plus, I have never seen a cat with such a disturbing resting bitch face.

I think Perdita may be my feline doppelganger. 


What is happening in Georgia? The internet must have been down for the past 2 months. Or they forgot to 'spring forward' their clocks.  Governor Kemp (R) had no idea that asymptomatic carriers of the virus can spread Covid-19. And Senator Thompson (R) tested positive for the virus, was sent home from the hospital to quarantine, but instead proceeded to take several carloads of people to his beach house in Florida. Both claiming ignorance that they had no idea the severity of this pandemic.  So on April 2nd, the Governor of Georgia issued a stay-at-home order, only essential businesses stayed open, school's closed, beaches closed and he deputized several sheriffs to make sure people comply to the order. Then on April 6th, he re-opened the state's beaches to the public.  I'm confused. So, do not go to work, do not send the kids to school, only go to the store if necessary, do not visit grandma in the nursing home...BUT, pack up the family for a fun day at the beach!! BUT, don't bring your chairs, tents or umbrellas. 

Dear Governor Kemp,
Please pick a lane and stay in it.
Sincerely,
Jules


Well I think I am done for the night. Jesse is still sleeping (and gurgling).  Time to watch some The First 48, you know easy tv viewing to fall asleep to.  I will leave you as always with....

Your daily dose of Dracula.....

Goodnight!
Jules

Social Distancing....All the Cool Kids Are Doing It.

Hello again!

Welcome to the second installment of my Calmly Welcoming Insanity blog. And truth be told, I welcomed insanity years ago, but I like to renew the membership as often as possible.  So much has happened since my last post..... let's get right down to it.

My household consists of myself, my 18 yr old nephew Matt, a German Shepherd named Jesse and the maine coon cat, public enemy #1, Dracula.  Also in the mix is my boyfriend Jamie, who conveniently lives across the street.  It's a good dynamic. We all have a good sense of humor, can take being the butt end of a joke, have different skill sets and overall work well together. So being holed up with a teenager so far is working.  There are hiccups of course... Like how I need to hold a weekly tutorial of how to load the dishwasher so everything actually gets cleaned.  Or how I have to be Captain Obvious and say things like "when was the last time you were outside?" or "don't eat the whole package of oreos in one sitting" or "try to have something for dinner that is green, not beige".  All in all it is a great learning experience for us.  I, as stated in my first blog, am not a fan of the children.  So having a teenager in my house has been eye awakening to say the least.  I have learned the following:

- The phone is in essence a life saving device akin to a pacemaker, without it they will die.
- Kids have been social distancing most of their lives via social media. This pandemic should be a breeze for them...until the internet goes down.
- There is a smell in my nephews room that will need to be taken care of by a specialty hazmat cleaning unit when he eventually moves out.
- At midnight, the teenage brain resets.
- Being told NO about something crushes....their.....souls.
- Snapchat selfies trump everyone and everything, every time.

Jamie suggested the other day that we have a Covid Cookie Competition. He is a cookie enthusiast... he talks about cookies like they hold a special place in his heart. I don't particularly care for cookies, or cakes or pastries. I don't really bake, I don't like how precise you have to be with every measurement of every ingredient. I'd rather cook. You can throw handfuls of food into a pan, be reckless with the amount of garlic you add and have a delicious meal in no time.  So when he suggested we should have a cookie competition that my nephew would judge, in hindsight, two things happened: I got duped into making cookies and my competitive side went into overdrive.  I don't have a secret recipe in my back pocket to whip out. But one thing was true... I was in it to win it.  These are tough times we are in. We should be embracing our time together with fun, meaningful activities. But right when you add the word "Competition" to a leisurely Sunday afternoon of baking, the gloves come off.  Jamie picked a recipe that combines two favorites.... a boxed cake mix and hershey chocolate chips. Two things my nephew loves more than life itself.  I had to listen to a long winded story about how Matt finds a Funfetti Cake to be eighth wonder of the world. My only question to him was "what the hell is a Funfetti cake?  Right then I knew I had to get my A game on.  I know of one cookie that dominates that Funfetti cake lovers brain... the Royal Dansk butter cookie. He eats those round tins of treats like it's his job.  For Christmas I wrapped a stack of those tins up that was at least 2 feet high for him and as far as I know, they are all gone.  So the competition was the yellow cake chocolate chip cookies (aka the cakey) vs the definitely not royal megxit butter cookie.

 As you can see here, Jamie is showcasing the cookies while practicing safe cookie sheet handling with the Ove glove.

Matt not taking the judging too seriously, while the fish are anxiously await his decision.

After tasting several of the cookies, and by several I mean at least 10, Matt declared the winner.... the definitely not royal megxit butter cookies.  Even though he did think they were just sugar cookies with a hint of butter, I will take the win!  But here's where I got duped, Jamie also gets the win because now he has 3 dozen cookies to last him until the next cooking competition. My sweet victory quickly has turned sour.

Did the following PSA message make anyone else feel slightly uncomfortable? Arnold Schwarzenegger Made An Incredible Coronavirus PSA With His Mini Donkey And Mini Horse https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/ellievhall/arnold-schwarzenegger-coronavirus-donkey-mini-horse   You'd expect a video like that to be made around day 74 of a quarantine, not within the first week of self isolation. He not only welcomed insanity, he embraced it.

Ok, let's talk Cuomo. Either you love him or you hate him. I have been a Cuomo fan for a long time and am making a habit of watching his daily press conferences to stay informed, grounded, scared and slightly sane.  I feel a horrible mixture of terror and comfort from them.  I can tell you I appreciate how on point and matter of fact he is about what is going on.  Also, when he is interjecting an opinion or feeling, he prefaces his statements by saying they are his words and not facts. Something I wish all of our so called leaders would do.  I am astounded at the amount of misinformation that is being fed to us, but more scared of the people who believe in it.  Wouldn't it be great if for once politicians, news agencies and conspiracy theorists all came together and just said "here are the actual facts and what we recommend you should do to combat this crisis we are ALL in".  Rather than listening to our leaders tell us how they "feel things are or feel will be", tell us what the scientists and medical professionals are saying.  Tell us how to be safe and make the most of our time.  I think this pandemic is going to make or break us as a country.  I know as a fact it's going to force our society to re-learn how to live. We need to simplify our expectations and re-train ourselves on how to be self sufficient.  Plant a vegetable garden, even in an urban setting.  Figure out how to fix, build, refurbish things.  Take this time to learn a trade or skill that will better you, your family, even your community.  I have been looking at welding equipment... how cool would it be to learn to weld? Plus I could fix the gate on my driveway that is no longer straight, make some cool metal trellises for my gardens... or help a neighbor repair something.  Self sufficiency is a lost art. We have acquired this sense of urgency for everything we want and need. All we have to do is click that "place your order" button on our phones and whatever you 'have to have' will be delivered to you in two days or less. And god forbid if the item is not delivered on time. You use your outside voice when calling customer service demanding to know where your order is.... because waiting 3 days to have exfoliating cream or a hooded parka for your dog or a package of candy you remember from your childhood is NOT acceptable.  It's time to change that.  We have become a society that must have instant gratification on all levels to the point of being unrealistic.  Let's all learn to take a breath, think twice, be kind, read rather than watch, cook a meal from scratch, stare at the sky and day dream.  Be grateful for what you have rather than what you don't have.  And most importantly be mindful of how your actions and words greatly affect those around you.

I learned a couple of things today....

- 85,000 New Yorkers are volunteering in the Big Apple. 26,000 Healthcare workers that are not even New Yorkers have stepped up to lend a hand in NYC hospitals.  Wow.
- On my daily walk, every third car that passed me reeked of reefer.
- My dog ignores me until I throw the word "cookie" into a sentence.
- I'm pretty sure I told Jamie I would get a mohawk in celebration of the end of this pandemic. 
- I'm pretty sure he said he would too.
- Going to make these soon  https://www.inspiredtaste.net/35686/easy-flatbread-recipe/#itr-recipe-35686
- I don't know if I can wait for the final season of Schitt's Creek to come on Netflix.

Okay, that's it for now.  Please forward this blog to anyone you may think will enjoy it. I welcome your comments, good or bad. Click on the Follow or Follow by Email tabs. Now stop touching your face and  go wash your hands.....

Jules

Here is your daily dose of Dracula....it pretty much speaks for itself.